Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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