My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
