She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
