We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
