My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
