I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So apparently I’m into choking now
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
