do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
