I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
