NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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