i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
