I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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