i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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