I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
