Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
