Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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