At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
