A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
