I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I had to cum in my sink.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
