my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
