True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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