guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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