Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
