I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Randomize
