Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
