yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
