Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
