I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
