just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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