At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
