I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dicks are not precious.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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