nut hugger
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
