girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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