it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
