peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
