Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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