Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
