The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
