Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
