I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
