dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
