That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
