kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
