just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Randomize
