he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
