When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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