We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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