he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
