I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
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