i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
