She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
