Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
