idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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