I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
