apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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