Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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