I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
