the condom got lost in my hair
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
