Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
