Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
