I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
