Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
