I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
